Haiku

Breakfast
Beautiful jelly!
Golden, crispy piece of toast...
Now, I feed myself.


Flower Vulva
Oh wonderful rose
Opening, and curling out
My body, my soul.


Origins
I don't do laundry.
I am not from Hawai'i.
I'm from Viet Nam.


Gothic Ruminations
In my spirit hole
A ghost, needing transport, rides
in a wheelbarrow.

It's all for the birds

I feel like I kind of lost my mind there for a little bit. I should never have gone to WomanCamp!!! You know how sometimes you do something, and it seems perfectly Okay and normal while you are doing it, and then afterwards you wonder what the hell you were thinking? That is how I feel about "Vulva Time" with Justine. It's also how I am starting to feel about "Cuddle Party"! What the hell am I doing?!?!?! It seems like I am trying to find myself, and all I am doing is doing these weird things that have nothing to do with me at all!

I need to listen to my inner voice. My inner child, if you will.

And my inner child is saying "Tuyet, cut the crap."

So today, instead of reading Woman Power stuff on the Internet, and wondering if maybe I should be a Wiccan, and reading about Goddess Worship and Menstrual Blood Rituals and all that stuff, I just went for a walk at the local bird sanctuary.

Here is what I saw:





The simple feathery beauty of their little heads made me happy.

I think happiness will be just as simple as that. I'm not going to find it in strange rituals, or Spin Art, or in some woman teaching me about my "pleasure centers". I'm going to see it in the simple beauty that is all around me.

Hey, I think I might be growing!

But I did like that Spin Art. I might do that one again.

I am an artist! For now.

I just got back from an amazing week at WomanCamp. It's like a getaway for middle-aged women like me, who are on a spiritual quest to get in touch with who they are. I made a lot of friends, and when I have come back down to Earth I will write about it. I made one really good friend name Justine, who helped me get in touch with my womanhood by holding me while I slept and telling me I was beautiful. I never felt so close to a girlfriend before! We also looked at our vulvas together, and she showed me which parts were for pleasure and which were for childbearing. Now I know more about vulvas than I ever thought possible, and I can open a vulva shop! Ha ha. Lastly I learned that people can have very different hair patterns. I don't want to think about Justine's vulva much more, to tell the truth, but I have a feeling she is thinking about mine. Just a hunch. She did spend a lot of time touching the different parts while she was teaching me, and getting really close in her studying of my anatomy. It made me feel sort of funny in my stomach.

On another note! I learned a form of art called "Spin Art". It is where you have this giant tub with a spinning mechanism, and you drop paint onto the canvas as it spins. It makes beautiful paintings! Here are a few of my creations!




I had a really good time at WomanCamp, and I can't wait to go back. Meanwhile, I am going to try to express my artistic side, and maybe change my phone number so that Justine can't keep calling me.

I need to "get over my hangups".

Part of my journey into my womanhood is learning to get over the fear of my own body. I think my fear stems from the upbringing of my culture and that I always was subservient to the wishes of my Popo and my Pipi when I lived with them. These would be my grandparents. Whatever Pipi wanted, Popo and I would do. Then Popo would boss me around as a way of feeling better about her own self. Who did I boss around? the dustrag and a can of Pledge. Sometimes a dishrag, just to mix it up.

When I got my first period, I thought I was dying and I went to the school nurse in hysterics. She couldn't calm me down so I was taken to the emergency room and given a Lorazipam. Later she gave me this book so that I could learn about the changes my body was going through. I was a late bloomer, so it may have looked a little strange to be reading about my body at age 16, but I didn't care, it was fascinating! I still have the book and have been reading it a lot lately.

When I got together with Cao, we tried some of the different things that men and women try to do together using their bodies. We had a lot of fun, but it was never as "great" for me as it said in the book. Some time I will tell the story of Cao and the things we did. If I ever fall in love again, I would like to try those things again. But I don't know how that is going to happen; I don't have any more male cousins and I sure as heck arent' doing that with the girls!!!

Yesterday I got a mirror and spent about 20 minutes looking at my vulva. I have never done that before! I had the book open to the page where there is a diagram. I learned the names of all the parts and then quizzed myself. It was fun and informative! Except that afterwards, my hip joints hurt from sitting like that so I had to get in the tub.

Thanks for all your advice!