Sunday, September 2, 2007

I took 2 giant journeys into my womanhood yesterday!

Steps 1 & 2 have to do with making peace with my family and history.

1. I finally packed away all of the pictures and letters that I have of Cao (my third cousin and former lover) and put them into a place where I cannot access them. They've been sitting out on the table beside my bed since his death in 2004. I didn't burn them, because it is never smart to "destroy history", but I did put them inside a shoe box under my bed, so that I would have to work a little harder to get at them. It's a Queen Size bed and I am 4'9" tall, so it's not easy to reach!!!

2. I sat down with my mother and talked to her about how her "cold" disposition towards me in my childhood years has contributed to my doubt that anyone could ever love me, and to feel "out of touch" with my own body and emotions. I tried to do it in a non-blaming way the way Dr. Schieff (the therapist who is slowly guiding himself into my womanhood and taking me with him) told me to. It turned into a very close conversation in which she shared that her father (my Pipi) was cruel to her when she was a child in Viet Nam, while he loved his sons with devotion. By the end of our conversation we were both crying and hugging. I think this was a big step for us!




In other news, I am going to make banana bread! Also, I am getting my haircut.
Thanks for stopping by!

15 comments:

SIMON said...

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Chuck said...

Wow! Just when I'm staring at your blog it refreshes and a new post comes up! This is like Christmas! (which by the way is a worthless pagan holiday, but thats for another conversation). I'd like you to tell me more detail about this Dr. Schieff and perhaps tell me what he does to you prior to guiding his "girth" of expertize deep deep into your womanhood.

If you're shy young lady, I can always supply you with a video on this very subject that I was discussing with Patricia (Fred's wife). Fred was only kind enough to supply the camcorder.

Oh, and by the way, I'm about 6' 5" and you're 4'9"! Wow, if you crouched down that would bring you up to my hips! Heh heh.

Many tidings of comfort and joy to ya! Love, Chuck.

JM said...

Banana bread is awesome.
I think it's hard for children to talk to their parents and to not put blame on certain outcomes. My family is Asian. My siblings and I grew up with the rule that the elderly is always correct no matter what. So I can see the difficult in having a heart to heart, without the elder getting upset or even somewhat angered by the questioning of something they may have done to contribute to a person's well being (see I still said "may have done" as if my parents are looking over my shoulder ready to say something like "are you blaming her parents"?).

Phil said...

Sometimes it's hard to move on, but move on we must. Life's not easy (nor fair), I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. I have my own battles that I am facing now that are not easy but it is what it is as they say.
Bananna bread is good, YUM :-)

Chuck said...

I met a fine young lassie who could fit an entire banana down her throat unpeeled and everything! That's incredible!!

Love, Chuck.

ChickyBabe said...

Memories can't be burnt but it helps to file them out of reach at times.

~d said...

I totally support the 'filing away' of the memories. There are some memories I chose to destroy-when I was my early 20's.
Hooray for you!
LOVE!

BBC said...

making peace with my family and history.

You know how I made peace with my family and history? I dumped the whole lot of them. They wasn't worth keeping when I have others out there that are more important to me.

My mother was a chain smoking party girl drunk that had little respect for others so I ended up dumping her and adopting the wonderful old lady next door.

We are all family so find those that work for you and rise you up.

Now hand over the banana bread and no one gets hurt. :-) Hugs.

Chuck said...

My mother was something similar. She was a slutty drunken party girl! I grew consternation and resentment for her outer worthlessness that I locked her in an attic where male "suiters" would visit her for a fee which would vary depending upon the service purchased. I made at least enough to replenish my liquor supply until she passed away in the trunk of a 1990 Buick Rivera. I didn't even notice that she left the house!

Chuck said...

Ahoy there young lady!

I have devised several hand shadow puppets that demonstrate scenarios in which you took 2 giant journeys into your womanhood.

I can e-mail you the images!

Tidings of comfort joy! Love, Chuck.

Chuck said...

The penis is mightier than the sword. I thought you should know!

Chuck said...

Sorry, the pen is.

Anonymous said...

You're 4'9"? Man, that's small!

Congrats on your womanhood thingy.

BBC said...

Hey, Chuck.... I think I fucked your party girl slutty mother.

Well, maybe not, I'm just honoring all that I am here and having some fun.

And maybe Apricot will honor this comment and join in on the fun?

For the simple reason that we have to be fun loving idiots at times. :-)

Oh, and hugs.

Chuck said...

Greetings and salutations!

There were a lot of gents that could come and go from that place so you never know!!

Ha!

That old girl had such a flexible hoo-ha that I was able to afford to built a wine cellar in the garage.