Om shanti

I've been pretty unhappy with the way my clown business is going, and I am stressed out at work so I have been devoting all my free time to my yoga practice. I can't deal with anything right now. I think I am headed for a major spiritual crisis if I don't find a path that works for me pretty soon. I keep looking for joy outside myself, but I am starting to realize it must come from within. But what if my within is empty?

I have decided to clown around.

... Ha Ha! Let me explain. I was reading the other day about some clowns and how much fun it is to have a side career of working birthday parties. I realized there's not too many Asian clowns, and I don't know of any that are Viet Namese.

I'm going to the costume shop today and getting some basic supplies. If they are open, I don't know. I am going to practice face painting on some old pillowcases I have. Then I am going to the library to get some books on clown skills, because I don't have any. Here are the things I could do already, in my act:

• Face painting (if the pillowcases work out)
• Spin Art
• making funny gestures
• doing a silly voice
• balloons (regular ones, I can't do animals yet)

As you can see, there is room for growth!

You might be wondering why this sudden interest in clowns! Well, I heard about a local clown named "Looney Dooney" on the radio and supposedly he was a huge hit at this festival. I know that in a week I have to go to my cousin's little baby's birthday party (she is 3) and not only can't I think of a present, but also I want to bring something fun to the party.

Why not bring me, as a clown?

Now I just need some names. Help me out will ya?

Some ideas:

• Tuyet the clown
• White Phoenix the clown
• the Viet Namese clown
• Yellow Flower Clown
• Herro, I am a Crown
• Danh Tu
• Silly Sally
• Sirry Sarry

Wow, I can't think of anything good. Help a sister out, yo! (That's slang)

I'll let you know how it goes... I am starting to feel not so excited about this idea anymore.

It's all for the birds

I feel like I kind of lost my mind there for a little bit. I should never have gone to WomanCamp!!! You know how sometimes you do something, and it seems perfectly Okay and normal while you are doing it, and then afterwards you wonder what the hell you were thinking? That is how I feel about "Vulva Time" with Justine. It's also how I am starting to feel about "Cuddle Party"! What the hell am I doing?!?!?! It seems like I am trying to find myself, and all I am doing is doing these weird things that have nothing to do with me at all!

I need to listen to my inner voice. My inner child, if you will.

And my inner child is saying "Tuyet, cut the crap."

So today, instead of reading Woman Power stuff on the Internet, and wondering if maybe I should be a Wiccan, and reading about Goddess Worship and Menstrual Blood Rituals and all that stuff, I just went for a walk at the local bird sanctuary.

Here is what I saw:





The simple feathery beauty of their little heads made me happy.

I think happiness will be just as simple as that. I'm not going to find it in strange rituals, or Spin Art, or in some woman teaching me about my "pleasure centers". I'm going to see it in the simple beauty that is all around me.

Hey, I think I might be growing!

But I did like that Spin Art. I might do that one again.